Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, launched by Frito Lay in 1992 (yes they are that old), are essentially regular cheetos with a very spicy bright red dust on them. What is in the dust that gives it that spicy kick is a mystery to this day. It is simply listed as “FLAMIN HOT Seasoning” on the ingredients list. Ready to dive in to the unknown? Hold my hand.
For the purpose of this review I will be un-bagging and eating the “Crunchy” Flamin’ Hot Cheetos as those seem to be the most sought after. I bought mine at a CVS when I was looking for moisturizer.
The Review:
The front of the bag portrays Chester Cheetah in a manic state, and with good reason as both his feet and mouth are literally on fire. Poor Chester appears to be looking for anything to extinguish the flames but doesn’t know where to turn next. The look of hopeful desperation on his face is truly heartbreaking, and the way he is clutching on to a single cheeto for dear life… man… I really feel for this guy. I hope he can find the help that he needs.
Upon opening the bag I am greeted by a red glow that is being emitted by the mysterious “FLAMIN HOT Seasoning”. Notes of vinegar and chili powder fill the air and I have to admit, I am intrigued.
As I pour them out on to my table, I have to be honest with you, I am starting to feel conflicted. I mean these things are RED in the most unnatural way you could possibly imagine. I glance at the back of the bag again to look at what ingredients could possible be making them this demonic shade of red. Red 40 Lake??? Yellow 6 Lake?? What in gods name are they doing to these poor cheetos? How did they get a lake in to them?
The only thing left to do is take a bite and wow they are actually pretty spicy. Much like the aroma, they taste like vinegar and chili powder. I immediately need to take a drink of water as I don’t want to end up like poor Chester. After eating a few more I am struggling to see what the hype is all about. Don’t get me wrong I love a good kick of spicy “FLAMIN HOT Seasoning”, but I would hardly call these flavorful. Also that neon red dust really sticks to your hands, if I were to rub my eyes right now I would likely be blinded for the rest of my life.
The Score: 3.0
I’m going to give these Crunchy Flamin’ Hot Cheetos a 3 out of 5. As far as flavor goes they are pretty underwhelming, but you know what they have going fore them? They’re hip. They’re cool. They’re LIT AF. I mean who wouldn’t want to be seen walking down the street holding a bag of these babies. “Yeah I eat Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, I like to live life on the edge, push my body to the limits. I just want to FEEL something”. Thats what these things are really about man. We all just want to feel alive. We all just want to live.
Flaming Hot Tid Bits
In case you were interested, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos were actually invented on accident by a janitor at Frito Lay named Richard Montañez. Apparently some of the original cheetos made it through the assembly line without getting dusted with that neon orange chemical cheese dust. This guy took them home and put his own mix of chili spices on them to see what it would be like. Now hes an executive and gives motivational speeches.
Before you run to the nearest 711 to buy out their entire stock of FHC, it is important to note that it’s not all flaming hot fun and games. I mean look at these things, look at the ingredients. Would it surprise you to know that TONS of people have become very ill from eating too many of these things? They have been banned from some schools, kids hospitalized with GI issues. I mean what the fuck is “Red 40 Lake”????
Everything in moderation folks. This beloved snack is surely going to be around for years to come, this much I know to be true. As long as humans search for the meaning of it all, desperate to feel something, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos will continue to help us fill that void. We’re all in this together.
What are your thoughts on Flamin’ Hot Cheetos? Comment Below!
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