Don’t Be My Valentine
The Starbucks Cherry Mocha 🍒☕️ might be one of the weirdest seasonal drinks this fast food coffee company has released. Created to ring in Valentines Day 💝, I think maybe they hoped you would grab one of these as a gift for your special someone. Well unless you are trying to prank your partner in love, I would give this one a hard pass.
Starbucks has this to say about the drink:
Our cherry treat-inspired mocha combines our signature espresso, Mocha sauce and cherry flavored syrup. Topped with cocoa Valentine sprinkles, it’s love at every sip.
Sounds harmless enough right? Heck this even sounds like it could be good, I mean who doesn’t love a chocolate covered cherry? When I pulled up to the window after ordering this the barista said “You are the first person I have seen order one of these. The cherry smell is REALLY strong, will you taste it really quick before you leave and let me know what it is like?”. He could have just been saying that to flirt with me 😏, it being Valentines day and all, but I will tell you it was at that moment I lost all confidence that this drink would even be mildly drinkable. 😕
Something Is Wrong Here
The pink and red candy pieces sprinkled on top of the whipped cream is a nice idea, but seeing it all half submerged in the dark brown liquid is…. unsettling. I don’t want to say it looks like puke 🤮, but I’m not going to deny the fact that it looks kind of like puke 🤢. It certainly is a far reach from the promo picture.
Do You Like Robitussin?
My first sip was 90% whipped cream and 10% “coffee” and I was shocked that it did not taste awful. All that whipped cream made it taste like cherry ice cream. Nothing could prepare me for my next few sips of this Valentines Day monstrosity. As my kind Starbucks Barista noted earlier, the cherry flavor is simply overwhelming. Now when I say “Cherry Flavor”, what I actually mean is “Fake Cherry Flavor Similar to that of a Jolly Rancher or a Cough Drop”. There is a bit of chocolate in there as it is technically a mocha, but you can just barely taste it as the fake cherry taste just totally dominates your mouth.
I feel like I am drinking a bottle of cough syrup 💊 but not getting the added bonus of a DXM trip 🔮. With a whopping 54 Grams of sugar this thing is sweet even for a Starbucks drink. How can something with so much sugar still be so nasty?
Not For Human Consumption
If your special someone 👨❤️💋👨wants to go to Starbucks on Valentines Day I would suggest getting literally any drink but this one. Actually what I would really suggest is taking them to a GOOD coffee shop and getting some real coffee ☕️. The Starbucks Cherry Mocha is an abomination and I only hope that it is discontinued as soon as possible.